The value of effective communication should not be underestimated, whether at work or in your personal life.
As a successful communicator, you can grab the interest of those around you, make your point understood, and even convince others that your suggestion or opinion is right. Effective communication is a powerful tool, central to every aspect of our lives, and capable of shaping every interaction for the better.
As former presidential speechwriter, James Humes, said: “The art of communication is the language of leadership.”
In a recent article for Psychology Today, American educational psychologist Marty Nemko drew on his years of teaching and experience to offer the following three tips designed to make you a more successful communicator and a more effective leader.
The ping-pong rule
This step is simplicity itself – effective communicators ensure equality between those involved. Nemko argues that in a two-person conversation no one participant should hold the floor for more than 40-60% of the time. Speaking more than this could result in your fellow participant seeing you as self-absorbed, overly verbose and uninterested in their opinion. Equally, speaking less than this has a number of negative impacts – your fellow participant may see you as putting the burden of conversation on them, as having little to say, or having no interest in the conversation.
The traffic-light rule
It is important to understand how interest can wane over the course of an utterance. In the first 30 seconds, the traffic light is green, and your conversation partner is likely to be engaged in the point you are making. From 30-60 seconds, the light has changed to amber, as interest diminishes, and it is likely that your partner would like to respond, needs to process what you’ve said, or simply feels you are breaking the ping-pong rule. Finally, after 60 seconds, the light has gone red. Interest is gone, and it is time to stop or ask a question. Nemko argues that you should rarely continue a monologue beyond a minute.
The one-second pause rule
No one likes being interrupted, or nearly as bad, someone responding the instant you finish speaking. Feeling like what you’ve just said has been ignored or assigned no value undermines successful communication. Nemko suggests a simple but effective tip – pause for just one second before responding. Not only will it make your conversation partner feel like you are engaged with what they’ve just said, it also gives you a chance to think, and your response will be better for it.
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